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25 June, 2013

Sometimes I think that recreational vehicle manufacturers go out of their way to find exotic fittings. Just when you think you have everything covered with SAE and metric tools and spare parts, you discover some new perversity. The conversation at the local Hardware and Feed store usually goes something like this:

Me: You got a nut for a carriage bolt like this one?

Homer: Nope (snicker). See one of those now and again though, mostly broken. Gotta trailer don’tcha?

Me: Uh huh. Looks like an ordinary bolt to me. How come you don’t have a nut for it?

Homer: Well, sir, its like this: Thet there bolt is the produck of one of them there multi national co operations. It’s 3 1/2 inches long, but 12 millimeters in diameter.

Me: So how come I can’t just use an ordinary metric nut on it?

Homer: S’like this, son: After the blanks are made, they send ’em on to the Holy Land for the finish machinin’. Thet there thread is 110.5 millicubits to the inch.

Me: Millicubits!? Aw damn! Well, just in case I find a nut, you got “millicubit” wrenches here?

Homer: Yup … but ‘twon’t work on thet there nut.

Me: (MOAN) Why not?

Homer: Our millicubit wrenches is based on the standard cubit. Thet there bolt’s threads is based on the Sacred Cubit.

Me: Great. Any idea where I could find a nut and some wrenches?

Homer: Wahllll you kin order a set of wrenches from Noah’s Machine Tools, just a few miles outside of Tel Aviv. As fer a nut, go find the jay bird what designed yer trailer.


From → Stories & Poetry

  1. Hilarious! Tell me it’s not true.

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