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6 October, 2012

I has...part of a roof

I has…part of a roof (Photo credit: BoneDaddy.P7)

People talk about incompetence as if it were a bad thing.  I am moved to share an epiphany I had about the critical place in the economy of incompetence and its promise for the future in these times of our struggle to restore America to economic greatness.

My awakening was sparked decades ago by the purchase of a brand new house with a leaky roof.  I had a series of roofing people out but, after each alleged repair, the roof continued to leak.  I finally broke down and had the entire place re-roofed, reasoning that the repeated attempts at repair were going to cost more in the long run.  Wrong; it still leaked.

I even had a paperboy who, in spite of the fact that the front yard of my beach home (in the possession of my ex now, of course) was about 70% concrete, managed to hit the flower beds repeatedly.  Complaints led to the papers landing on the roof.  It hit me like Colonel Kurtz’s diamond bullet that here was a person relegated to delivering newspapers … and he was incompetent for even that job.

Initially, of course, I cursed and moaned about the drain on my bank account and began ruminating about all the other money I had spent on incompetence, such as the series of auto repairmen who couldn’t fix the Saab that would only run on 3 cylinders at cruising speed (nobody was ever able to fix that either), alleged technicians who couldn’t fix my computer (in whose honor the phrase “blue screen” was invented) and dozens of other expenses occasioned by sheer nincompoopery.

Then it hit me:  I wasn’t the only one infusing large amounts of cash into the gross national product.  All true Americans were doing the same thing every day.  Instead of bemoaning incompetence, I came to realize its critical importance to the economic well-being of the country.  Think about it:  What would happen to the economy if products and services were just fine the first time around?  I dare say the gross national product would plunge and we’d all be trying to sneak into Cuba to get jobs.

Now; I’ve worked in both the public and private sectors and have to note that it is a myth that government employees, on average, are any more incompetent or less diligent than those in business.  I have indeed run into people in both sectors who were in fact more than competent.  They excelled.  So here’s my plan:

What we need to do as a nation is identify all of the competent people and force them into the public sector.  That’ll drive down the size and cost of government as well as increase its efficiency to perfection.  Taxes would plummet, giving everyone more money to fuel the economy.  The incompetent would be forced to stay in the private sector, preferably in service jobs, where their abysmal uselessness would cause huge infusions of cash into the economy.  High employment would be spurred by the large and desperate demand from the public for working products and repairs.  It would take multiple times the normal number of plumbers, for instance, just to keep our toilets flushing.  Effective and therefor cheap governmental services, high employment and massive amounts of greenbacks circulating like protons in a nuclear chain reaction:  Bingo; Economic recovery in spades!

My plan would also ensure full employment for those whose impairments are no fault of their own.  The sight impaired could all become baseball, football, basketball and boxing refs (those that aren’t doing those jobs already, of course).  We could have tone-deaf piano tuners, hearing-impaired call center staff people and quadriplegic lumber jacks.  Decrepit, half-blind seniors like myself could direct traffic and single-handedly expand the collision repair business (performed by blondes in full body casts) into the next Microsoft.

So; the next time you feel like tearing your hair out repeatedly trying to get someone to fix your air conditioner so it actually works, stop and think what you are doing for our service-based economy.  For those of you in the private sector, keep on screwing up in spades as regularly as possible.  I tell you, it’s patriotism at its pinnacle.


From → Social Work

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